“Step into passion again. Step into loving yourself and gratitude of your body….Live in your truth. To be ready to act in new ways based on us finding new comfort in whatever the world is throwing us, whatever the universe has brought us in. And finding our happiness in this place. Finding our happiness in the new self, finding our new happiness in the new drawing of a life that we are ready to draw. Because it’s now. It’s our intention now to draw what we want.”
A breakdown Uranus Day followed by a breakthrough! Let what is not lovable breakdown and let go. See the illusion that is covering your willingness to love your self unconditionally. The Moon in Scorpio is helping us.
[Energy in the Sky]
How have you been feeling these past few days? I had a wonderful magical week with the new moon, people popped up and joyfulness and kindness ensued. Something shifted over the weekend and on Sunday especially into Monday night I just felt off. Something was shifting in me, and a whole lot is currently shifting on a universal cosmic level. Yes, take a deep breathe, if you have been feeling off, it is no surprise. I’ve taken some time for some reflection and deep introspection. I’ve been very emotional. I’ve realized that it is okay to cry, to let go, and to express emotions. It is okay to feel what is happening internally and externally in the landscape of your life.
Sometimes we are afraid to connect to ourselves and especially our emotional body. We are especially scared to share how we feel or at least bring it to the surface of ourselves. This is a great lesson. A lesson I have been working on. I’ve felt new comfort in the last week by allowing myself to feel. I used the energy of the new moon to rekindle the love I have inside myself, but also to reawaken and tune into the love that is all around me. With the new moon energy in the heart felt loving sign of Leo, I’ve been able to tame my misconceptions about certain obstacles and people, and become more open in my own truth. My chest has felt tight recently, it has been challenging to breathe, and I’ve felt as if something within my heart needed to escape. The feeling was strange, it kept me awake, it restricted me from physically working out as I do, and I was unable to escape on my weekly runs to tame my mind and energy. I decided to find peace in new ways and feel for myself what was happening; take time to feel what was happening internally. Since we are all energy and things physically manifest in the body in certain ways for different reasons, I took time to tune in. I began journaling, something that is often hard for me to find time to do. I stayed very present in my thoughts. I noticed what was happening around me. I meditated, grounded myself, and felt my own energy. What was I holding so deeply in myself, in my heart, that needed to be unlocked? What was I holding that was blocking my air to funnel through fully? Why was I feeling so trapped and constricted?
In the stillness always come relief because when you allow yourself to feel, you develop clarity that allows you to heal. That is the yoga. That is the magic. A few days ago I took a yoga class from a special friend, mentor, and teacher. She brought us into camel pose, my favorite yoga pose of all time, and she shared how this pose helped her learn to be open and more vulnerable to love again. I’ve heard this a lot in her classes, but something clicked in me and suddenly I felt a new found opening like never before. Many sensations and thoughts trickled into mind as I breathed into my favorite backbend. Then I came out and settled into the calming asana of childspose. My energy shifted. I came back to my breathe and I took time to just feel the sweet opening and new space I had created. She went on with the class and I paused and collected my energy back and calmed my thoughts. Then I felt it in myself. I realized what I had been holding so deeply. It was not one particular thing or person, it was an underlying fear and pattern I recognized within myself. So much came over me in that moment. Instead of moving on quickly to the next pose, like so many of us do on our mat and in our lives, I took time to feel. Feel what came up, notice my breathe, feel the energetic shift, and I allowed myself to participate in everything I was experiencing. It was true liberation.
“Take what we have now and make something of it.”
I do back bends all the time, especially camel pose. They are my favorite – I love opening my heart, opening myself. During the week of the new moon, with all the powerful heartfelt energies, I reflected a lot about what happened both in the class, in the past, in the last season, and in this new moon cycle too. While I’m not inclined to go deep into everything happening personally, I can say that the more I learn to align myself on my mat, in my life, and with the universe, the more I am able to deeply connect to my own self. I’m a back bender. If how you are on the mat is a direct correlation of how you are in your life, then that says a lot about me. I’m a giver, a healer, a helper, a friend, it is the innate Aquarius in me. I realized the often I’ve chose to give too much and that sometimes I am so focused on pleasing others, making them feel good, and helping others, that I often begin to loose touch with myself. It is easy for me to get into camel, to open, and I enjoy juicy back bends that expose my love within… And so there is my answer. It’s easy for me to give and open my heart, to express my love fully and openly. What is not so easy is remembering that at times I need to give back to me. To close off and journey back into myself, my needs, my wants, and my own present state right now. I’ve been so busy doing, pleasing, assisting, offering, opening, that I’ve forgotten to unlock what is truly best for me. I’ve been holding onto past people that in my mind emulate who I should surround myself with. I’ve had so much joy comforting others, saying yes to help them out, and have taken on too much, that in the midst of busyness I’ve lost connection with the only person that truly matters the most; myself. My physical practice helped me move energy so I could delve deeper into myself. My breathe kept me centered and calm so I remember what my body was telling me in confusion. In all this reflection, after a profound period of opening, I remember it is okay to close and come back to self. With this realization comes ease.
You can do the same thing every day and never get different results. That is reality. Or you can overcome what you think are limits, and choose to expand by simply taking your yoga beyond the physical, into the more spiritual journey of the self. That is the real work, and in truth, the real magic. In the last week I’ve had waves of emotions and felt pulses of energy surge through my body. Physical symptoms yes, but all manifested from past experiences, thoughts, behaviors and more. I’ve moved forward, feeling my body react, listening to the universal messages, silently reflecting, and internalizing my own life dialog and illusions. What has been an emotional and confusing ride the past few months, suddenly turns into a profound awakening of myself. It all makes sense and I am grateful for the people and obstacles that have come in to help show me what needs to be changed. In short, I align and need to step into my own power once again, and stop giving it and altering it to serve others. I need to remember me, my own willpower, and let that be what radiates up and out, through the heart, through what I enjoy, and with people that I love. I can no longer hold on to what I thought was right for me, or put pressure on myself to change to satisfy others. I need to be me in my fullness. Not constricted or tight, especially in the area of the heart. I deserve to breathe, to have freedom to be me, and to unlock all that has been holding me back.
Just like when you get into camel; I choose to trust my own body, the support I have, my strength, and my breathe to help guide me so I can shine. I say it a lot in my yoga classes- ‘It takes work to expose yourself and open. To use you power and hug everything in, so you can grow – spiral your thighs into you, press your hips forward over your knees, then use the breathe to swell into the belly and lift the heart higher. Keep your head connected, and rather than dumping your head back, stay supported in yourself by softening your shoulders back down, and feel your chest widen and with your trust lift higher.’ This is the physical yoga. It’s up to you to create and delve deeper into the spiritual space and make the energetic connection.
A great teacher once told me camel helped her be vulnerable as all the chakras, leading with the heart, expand. She has helped me become vulnerable, open, and grow into my own being. The thing I needed to learn for myself though, is how to be vulnerable and emotionally feel what I need shift so I can keep the power within me and keep shining my heart bigger and fuller in ways that serve me best. Vulnerability is a beautiful thing. Things and people can feel and seem so so right and perfect for us in a certain time and space. It is okay to love, and love again, or cry when you need to release, or open. I’ve experienced it all in Camel. Beyond the pose, I’ve been aware of my own vulnerability and immersed myself in ease so I can learn to bring my energy back into me. It’s a beautiful thing when you expose yourself and put your heart and energy out there. It is part of life’s greatest gifts, especially when it is fed by connection. But can you train yourself to give and love when it feels good, and remember to disconnect and come back home to self when things become unsteady?