And here it is, the end of May, almost the end of Spring and the end of a tremendous cycle of change and transition. Geez. What is the cosmic universe we live in and who are we and what is the purpose of it all? That I’m still asking, but each day it is becoming more clear and I triumph with how far I’ve come. This past year I’ve learned how to step into myself and find liberation fully in being me, living me, and loving me.
Three years ago I started to ask the question, ‘what is my purpose?’ I suddenly was no longer satisfied working at a desk at my so called ‘dream job’ and something in me knew there had to be something more. My values began to change, new people began coming into my life, and I found myself choosing yoga beyond other activities like bar hopping. I was young but things that were once satisfying were no longer pleasing or enjoyable. I reached a point where I needed something more, a change, people who inspired me, a job that excited me, and something that would put a smile on my face. I yearned for happiness and a life that felt fulfilling. So in the magical year of 2011, on Memorial Weekend, I called up my friend and told her to enroll me in Yoga teacher training. She did not question it, in fact a few months prior, she had planted the seed. I did not know anything about the training, only the meeting dates. What I did know was I found happiness in the yoga studio, and despite whatever ‘real world’ problems I found, I always made it back onto my mat. Hot yoga had been a vessel for me to channel my emotions, my family issues, pain, and let me get into my body in new ways. It felt good, I liked it, and I chose to be there. I needed a shift in my life. I was unhappy and felt stagnant and lost. Although I had zero intention to teach, I craved being a student again and demystify what this yoga thing really is about and wanted to know why I was put on this planet.
Two years ago I was asked to audition at CorePower Yoga and by June 2012 I was hired. It’s funny where the universe begins to take you when you begin to open for it. By that time I had gotten laid off of my corporate job and was still asking that deeper question, ‘why am I here’ ‘why is this happening to me?’. I did not understand. I know now we never really will know what people come into our lives or what role they may play or what outcome we all may create. 2012 was an interesting year and as I began teaching yoga I learned how to tune into my own inner truth and self. For the first time I was doing something that was fulfilling me, and most importantly I was helping others find that inner piece that yoga helps us all connect to. People told me I was good at it, and it felt good knowing I was finally doing something meaningful. I am so grateful for CorePower Yoga and all the amazing people who have helped me evolve, in the space, and in life. I learned quickly that teaching yoga was more than just showing up and explaining the body or physical poses. Real yoga is about learning how to be your own teacher, and take steps to grow in your own life – on the mat and off. The mat is the tool, the journey is your life. 2012 I learned how to become my own teacher, how to teach myself to find my own inner satisfaction. I learned how to show up, and how to respect the others, and how to find compassion in realizing that this crazy universe will always guide us in a direction that really is best – everything does happen for a reason, when you are willing to see it. I stepped into my power, learned to speak up, to hold space, give to others, and do something that I enjoyed.
Now this May, I reflect back on 2013 and celebrate one hell of a year. I have been gifted with many special teachers and people so connected to me, that they have guided me forward in my dharma and purpose. I celebrate me and where I was, and where I am now. This past year I had a special teacher (not in the yoga room) who was a friend, change roles in my life and it taught me how to grow within myself. This person did not communicate much with me much this year, however, the intensity of this connection and what I felt with it, drove me to reflect back on myself. After all, we are all merely reflections of one another, helping us grow and learn. The new question I asked was ‘What is this feeling?’ ‘why do I feel like this?’ This past year I have transformed and dealt with many lessons and woke up. I am learning what it’s like to love yourself and how to find love within. This teacher of mine, has reflected in me my own light and has inspired me to do the inner work and love myself – who I am, by body, and my own inner being. I did not know what was going on or why things were happening, I had to start listening though and was led to spiritual growth. 2013 has been about me recognizing that there is a divine power and a deep seated mystery that we will never know – let me call that ‘the universe.’ A year ago I was so confused and just going through the motions of becoming. This person showed me love, let me feel it, and in truth, it was something so magical that words cannot describe the deep connection and feelings that were invoked. I had to asked the question and do the work though, and tune inward to find liberation. I had to learn to surrender, to stop asking why and to start trusting as I overcome to find complete harmony within myself.
This past year I’ve taken my yoga off my mat and have asked even deeper questions. I had some personal events take place and the pain and emotions were unbearable and quite confusing, and something that no one will every in this lifetime understand. This year I’ve healed myself; I’ve cried, I’ve journaled, and I’ve invoked new spiritual practices that I once thought were pointless, silly, or useless. The universe guided me to it, and I eventually reached a point where I could not help but believe. The universe gives you help when you ask, however, sometimes things happen and there is no real answer or explanation as to why. Things happen that we don’t understand. What I’ve learned is that there is a divine magic in the universe, and that people and things come together for reason and purpose. There are synchronistic events and nothing is by chance or coincidence. The universe has a plan, and it is up to use to do the best we can in the place we are at. We are a student on the mat, in the pose, but also in life. I asked the question, of why I am here, and what is the meaning of this thing called life? I knew it was beyond sitting at a desk, getting a paycheck, and finding the perfect mate. That’s silly. It’s about learning to be a student of your own life, asking your own questions, and taking the reins for yourself so your life can have direction and most importantly – meaning.
These past three years have been life changing. I do my yoga, I arrive on my mat. I yoga further with Teacher Training, where I learned what yoga was, then, without intention, I became a teacher in the yoga room. The universe did some wild things, brought in many people to help me, however it was not until this past year, after the inner work had been done, that I’m finally able to be at ease with life and where I am. The work never ends, the journey continues, but I find satisfaction in recognizing where I am and what I’ve overcame. I sit back this memorial weekend and reflect.. After the wildest three years of my life, I celebrate me – who I am now. I wanted happiness, I wanted to smile, and now three years later, I’ve learned what I was seeking all along was Love. Love for me, for who I am, and this spirit within me that has been yearning to come out. Yoga is the science, lifestyle, and vessel I believe everyone can benefit from. It teaches us divine Union – how to come back into ourselves and who we really are. Yoga found me, teachers navigated me forward, and spirituality found me, but I had to do the work to find , and continue to find, Union within myself.
I believe that people can tell you what you need to do and should accomplish, but the real magic happens when you are able to listen to yourself. To tune into what you want, and instead of talking about it and wondering, take an active stance to make a change. I have been blessed in the past three years to have many connections and profound teachers come into my life. They have helped me grow, they have taught me on the mat and beyond, and have let me become who I am today. I will always be grateful. However, my own journey only started because I knew I wanted more for myself. Today I celebrate my own accomplishments and my own journey. I asked the question three years ago, and now I’m so much more clear. It is said you need to love yourself first to find love. I believe it. I did not know what love was, but I felt there was something more for me, and I’ve learned to find it within myself. I now live my life doing things that I enjoy and love. I stopped seeking outside answers, and chose to take an inner journey and to breathe into mind, body, and heart, and learn to unlock who I really am. It took me three years to transform. I now choose love. Love for myself, for who I am, and for what I enjoy. I trust the universe as it guides me forward, and I keep a genuine smile on my face as I continue to master how to love myself, love others, and love life as I step into my purpose and radiate my own light in ways to serve myself and also others.