What I’ve Learned About Love.

Love.

A funny subject, I think we all are quick to think to know and eager to grasp to have. When you step back and stop seeking or trying to get love, you begin to evaluate the deeper meaning of the word.

Love is more than partnership, romance, holding hands, or anything that has to do with having another person.

Love is so much more.

What I’ve learned, is that until we are willing to let go of those old fairy tale concepts of love, we will never attain real love.

That emptiness and longing deep inside will continue to stir us and eat us alive, as we ignorantly ignore the inner call of our heart, and surrender to our desires. Our mind will validate a million reasons on why we need to keep the person around, and why it has to work, and why they are the one…. yet they will never be the perfect happy ever after we dreamed of — until we individually tap into our own true heart, and understand who and what that is.

Love is abandoned the moment we are caught up in the mind. Our fear and inner desires will caught us to chase love and hold love because we subconsciously think we need love to survive.

What’s worse, is we miss the love we crave until we are able to forge that deep connection, dive in, and expand our awareness in order to live fuller from the heart.

Believe me, this is a scary and intense process. No one ever teaches us to live from the heart, let alone, allows us to be ourself fully. I do think the hardest human thing to do is to own your authenticity and step out of the patterns and self loathing traps we all put ourselves in. What I mean is, the minute we seek love from another, and chase love, and force our way into love, we automatically abandon our opportunity of real love. Often, we get so stuck in toxic relationships that we fail to see where we are in fact flawed and the walls and issues that are causing us to withhold love. In this process, we usually hurt other people.

For example, someone in my close family is getting married this year. I have yet to receive an invite. Yet, I’m being optimistic I may get an invite or save the date, last minute. Who knows. See this gal he found claims to love him, yet won’t allow him to be with his family. In fact, they’ve both said some mean things about us and refuse to come around for holidays, and blame a certain family member for most of their problems. It’s sad for me being the witness and watching how much destruction this girl is causing everyone. She won’t admit it or acknowledge it. In her lens of reality, she’s perfect and did not thing wrong. Unfortunately, with my psychology background, I see different. Her insecurities and the internal wounds she holds will continue to have her think she’s a victim of the world, and she will continue to blame other people for her reactions and rude behaviors. It’s ironic that she thinks she can wed and mature with a wedding, when she can’t even have a conversation without getting defensive, reactive, or hurting the other person.

It’s this kind of loveless behavior that makes me cringe. While we humans often think love is about getting the guy and creating a family, we usually miss out on actually reading love within first. Our ego gets so full of ourself we lust, act out, defend, and react, to get the love we think we need. Instead of loving ourselves, growing into ourselves, and becoming loving people, we cling the a fantasy of what we think will save us and make us secure.

Sorry ladies and gents, that kind of thinking won’t work. Especially women, any girl that’s relying on a man to save them and take care of them forever is totally obvious to reality. People suffer and divorce when they close their heart and fail to love openly, lovingly, and peacefully.

To develop love it takes more than a partnership. We all must develop it within. No easy task though, to face your shadows, deal with your demons and admit you’re flaws. Self love is not a normal human thang. Probably cuz it’s easier to avoid. However, we can only rely on ourselves to unlimitedly give us love forever.

Even when the hype of marriage is over, the wedding bill comes, the honeymoon phase is done, and the kids have grown old, hopefully, if you’re lucky and did love well, you still have a lasting relationship and fulfilling life. Unfortunately that’s rare in this world. We have been so conditioned out of love, I believe, most of us are clueless in how to live with it. We continue to act out our subconscious fears, settle for love, and fear love. In our own insane search for the partner and romance, we usually suffer and give into what our heart is really saying. We ignore the call saying there is someone better, and settle for a limited deadline to happy ever after. This goes for kids too. We want what we want and we do whatever we can to get it, thinking we are in control and can manipulate our reality to obtain our desires.

While this seems dandy and great in the moment. It causes long term consequences. If you’re not willing to love and create love and develop love, chances are the foundation you have is rocky and faulty. We all must take it upon ourselves to learn to love better and become more open. We can listen with open hears, hear people, change our perspective, and become more loving people. That is, only if and when we are able to open our mind, surrender our ego, and attempt to bridge a connection with our heart.

It is the heart that loves. It is the heart that tells us the truth. The problem is we get stuck in the head. We live our life for the purpose of getting the fairy tale, only to find our own mind filters deceive us and people we think we our soulmate never seem to fit that role forever. The secret to love, is knowing we have many soulmates. Settling on one is silly. Yet, missing you chance to love and open your heart to another person, leaves you in the same unloving state. We all must take chances with love. It’s not easy. We will cry, get out her broken, wonder why, and mess up. Yet, I’ve learned, that not loving is the biggest sin of all.

Living a life where we are isolated, closed off, disconnected, and upset, causes depression and suffering. To love takes courage. Not everyone is ready to open their heart fully. I think we have to practice who we love and how. I do believe everyone wants love, though most are fearful of it. If not that, they are terrified of loosing love, being themselves and having to face themselves and their unloving pieces. The prison is all of ours to have and act out in this lifetime.

Which will you choose? Love or fear? Can we maintain a connected state, rather than disconnecting, closing down, and falling into those patterns that serve no one. To love another human being, whether it’s a mate, friend, stranger, student, teacher, or more, is a gift. Those gifts come and go if we let them. It’s healthy to have an open heart, remain unattached about what love needs to look like, and instead start living love.

I mean in every moment. Keep your heart open, keep your fears at ease. Cultivate love because you can. When that heart gets hurt, keep breathing, and love more. Honor the soul inside who dared to do what others can’t, and tried to love, even if people were closed off and unwilling to love. Love can change us all. It’s a matter of recognizing our humanness, knowing we are all trying to figure it out, and gaining perspective to help us. Connecting to another soul, a human heart, is how we love better and can deepen the love we hold and give.

Love on. Love fearlessly. Love endlessly. Never stop loving.

Let those specials souls come into your life, and love for the sake of loving…