Facing the Confusing Reality of Love.

Love. In it’s very existence it seems like an easy topic. Something somewhat intuitive, simplistic, and easy…. yet we all know love does get complicated. No matter how much I work on myself, engage in self love, and try to pretend it doesn’t bother me, I still question what the real purpose and reality of love is.

Is it destiny or fate? Is it possible to meet a love so real, that you just know it exists without question? Or is it all fantasy and filters projecting what we want to see?

When you think about it, love is complicated and complex. I think some people, myself included, fall too easy, fall to hard, and hold a loving heart for those that pulse to a similar rhythm and vibe. Yet, I wonder if men and males experience the same thing.

The more I grow stronger within my own heart, the more I trust it, and cannot deny the special people who activate it more.

Is there such thing a love at first sight? Do we as humans, just know? Or is loved developed and more a process of getting to know one another to see if they work out in the bigger plan? Personally, I think love is an undefinable soul connection. However, we never know what that connection is meant to do to help us individually get closer to love.

I do believe love is a painful and a challenging process. Anytime we are asked to grow bigger in our heart, there are growing pains, and probably some problems. Fear can doubt us and our own filters can talk us out of love often. Love can also cause us to be impulsive and a bit silly. (very guilty of that).

Yet, I think at some level of awareness, deep down, we also know when love is present. When we reach the barriers within ourselves that can overcome the fear and programming we’ve been taught, we have no choice but to play, explore, and question what that love really is.

Lucky it is to meet another soul, who loves at the level you do, and teaches you to love better.

Love gets complicated, and usually we get in the way of love. Our mind and feelings can disrupt the real love we seek and see. As a woman, I can say I think we intuitively feel more, and probably sense that connection before the male is ever aware of it. I could be wrong of course. Or perhaps as woman, we are creating it, and the depths of our imagination are romanticizing about the love we wish to create. I’m really not sure.

I’d like to believe love is real and eternal. The love that’s meant to stick around will… even if ya fuck it up. 😉

What I’ve learned, is love comes in many forms. We don’t consciously choose who we fall for. I think we make bad mistakes in love until we are able to grow more loving in ourself. I know that first love, is never the love that’s meant to be forever. Because without lovingly embodying yourself and granting love to you, the perfect mate can’t exist, even if you think he does.

Love comes from choosing yourself, loving yourself, being yourself, and taking your life to your own level to fully create what you want, as you want it. I do believe and know the right people show up to support you, when you honor you. We don’t know who is meant to have us in our own pursuit of life, love, and happiness.

That’s all a mystery. I do believe when we are courageous enough to go after our goals, and create the foundation within ourself, somehow, the right person will meet us and match us. Perhaps I’m a dreamer and full of wishful thinking?

I recently met a man. We had a ton of synchronicity and all I can say is the universe really did conspire to bring us together. He intrigued me from the beginning, and when I really met him officially (we had some run ins before) I instantly wondered who this person was. I’ve learned my lessons in love and having a heart wide open. I have put up boundaries because of that. I’ve learned to rush less and get to know people more.

What hooked me about this guy was his ability to be real, and be himself, and something intrigued me. I guess my subconscious was manifesting a soulmate, because I’ve always wanted a man who can know me and get me and be my best friend.  After getting to know this guy as a friend, on the best level that I could, I saw a vision and it freaked me out. It was as if I woke up from my fantasy and in a moment saw that everything I ever wanted was right in front of me. Let me tell you, that creeped out!

As much as I’d love to say magical things happened between us… they didn’t really. Confusion strung me out as he went after another girl, yet continued to talk to me. Maybe he is just a nice guy. Maybe he felt nothing for me. I don’t know. Maybe he’s still contemplating in his own head the possibility of loving and however I fit into that picture. I don’t know in this moment. I do know he makes me laugh, and when he’s around my heart flutters in warmth and expands as something static comes over me, and I can’t help but feel better within myself.

I’ve reflected on what he is teaching me.He’s the first guy who’s actually accepted who I am and encouraged me in who that is. He’s a total sweetheart (from what I see). Yet, he’s not mine to have, at least now. Maybe he is an illusion, something I manifested to help me love better. I want to hope we are still working things out, yet I don’t know. If I’m lucky, i’ll get a friendship out of it, but it doesn’t seem he wants that now. So I have to help myself move on, be okay with the not knowing, and let him be. (not easy)

Maybe we will come together in the future, in a less fictions way, more real, more depth, more human connection and realness between us. I can only dream and imagine. I’d like to hope so. It’s never fun leaving things open ended, and for me, it causes more confusion.

I’ve reached the conclusion that love is probably more about the fear of loving and the desire to love, than the actual act of loving. I think we all get stuck in our own illusions and fantasies because we so deeply crave love and want to have it. I’m learning to trust in love, and allow love, no matter what the love is.

For me, the moment love hits, I can’t avoid it. As a women, and to be honest, I also don’t know what to do with it. My impulses get me every time. Sometimes I act, sometimes I ignore it, sometimes I deny it. Yet, for me, those feelings don’t ever die. Even if I never see the guy again I still wonder about the love that was, if it was real, and what it meant. Maybe we don’t always get answers in love, or get to choose, or get clarity on why things happen as they do. Or maybe we are all fearful of love and our own act of expressing love gets us all afraid. Or maybe there’s a game I don’t know how to play, and we are all pawns trying to figure it out.

When we let love go, I suppose we all see, if the love is meant to be.

I do think being open in love is the best way to live with love. We can all close down, be fearful, and think we are unworthy of love. The truth is we are all worthy, yet we must believe in love ourselves, and the possibility of love.

It’s our journey to love. It’s personal, painful, unexpected, and individual to us all. Some marry fast, divorce, break up, or live forever unhappily. I believe we all have the ability to evolve and create our own happy ending. Who it’s with? Well I’m really not sure.

If love has taught me anything, it’s that every opportunity that shows up is our gift an opportunity to love deeper. Even if love doesn’t work out the way we want, or the other person leaves or restrains in fear, all we can do is continue to love. I guess we all have to trust that right love and the right things will always come back and be ours, if it’s meant to be.

“If you love something set it free, if it comes back it is yours”

Maybe we are all meant to love for the sake of loving, yet we forgot. Maybe we are all closed, insecure, afraid, and curious, and wanting to love, yet clueless as to how. Or maybe love just takes time. Maybe we have to trust our own process, know our hearts, feel our hearts, and express what’s there for us to explore.

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is easy. Love is unexpected.

I suppose we all must do the best we can to love better. Maybe we can become more honest, more secure, more present, and more able to cherish the love we have in the moment. Or maybe we are meant to let love find us, and let the fairy tale evolve by allowing men to choose us and chase us. I’m still not sure. However, I am dreamer, and I think we all want that fairytale. For me, I know that love of all kinds can help us. Being open in love, friendly, kind, and sharing special moments can really help broken hearts heal and open hearts evolve.

So maybe the reality of love is that is that it’s present every day and in every moment. Maybe our challenge is to disregard what we’ve been taught and how it’s suppose to be. Instead of waiting or thinking, I think we all need to soften and surrender.

Then, be wiling to take a chance on love, trust our heart, and not let an opportunity go by failing to acknowledge love and be present in love.

Life moves fast. I’ve missed many opportunities in love. I think we all need to take love less seriously and choose to love because we can. When you find love, feel it, and experience it, do whatever you can to savior it. Rare is a person or love that opens our heart, makes us a better human, and connects us on deeper levels than we can imagine.

So love baby love, Quit thinking. Start doing. Explore your own ideas and fantasies around love, your heart, and the connection to your soul.

Love for the sake of loving.