Dead Butterflies.

Yesterday I took a walk along the Cali coast. I walk this path often, almost daily. It’s a short and beautiful walk along the 101 in Encinitas, California, with a view of Swamis beach. Anyways, this particular day, I happen to see all sorts of dead butterflies.

I look up often when I walk. However, I couldn’t help but notice the trail of dead butterflies below me. I also didn’t want to step on them. It was peculair. I’ve never experienced so many dead butterflies.

Today I walked the same path. Opposite of yesterday, I saw an overwhelming amount of butterlifes flying along the coastline. They were everywhere. Dead butterflies were no where. The trail of dead butterflies that exsited yesterday were gone, not to be seen, or present.

As I was in a new and different state than the day before, so was my walk, and outer reality.

Isn’t that a beautiful metaphor for life? The fact that we can die in every moment, witness and experience death, yet always start fresh the next day. When death calls us, it is chaotic. Death is unsettling, uneasy, and transformative. It is death that teaches us all how to live better though. Sometimes we have to go through our own process, to die internally, leave situations, break bonds with people, and evolve beyond our perspective and experience, in order to thrive better.

Every moment there is death. We can experience the highs and lows of life, and choose how we maintain our own awarness. When death shows up what do you do? Does depression suck ya down, and do you let your mind take over? Or can you keep walking, trusting, allowing, and witness the death process that is helping you be reborn?

I think surrender is the ultimate call and solution. When death shows up, we can reject it, stay crazy in our mind, get fearful, and become sad and insecure. I’ve been there. On my walk with the dead butterflys I realized that death is the process that naturally helps us walk better. We may not know why things happen in the moment, but death lets us grow, so we can become the person we are meant to be, if we allow it.

In this moment, I’m going through my own death. I’m purging my past, I’m letting go, I’m emerging more full within my self. I’ve disconnected from emotional issues, trauma, and overcome stories of the past and from my childhood. I’ve suffered so much death the last 7+ years that it’s been unsettling. But death gives us clarity and rehabs us out of our suffering, if we trust it, and help ourselves grow.

On my walk I realized the beauty of death. Those dead butterflys were symbols of my own self, and the ego and soul that shed layers in order to die and kill off that old persona. We don’t know when our time is to go and leave this physical reality. We also don’t know how much some of us suffer in order to live better. LIke a butterfly teaches us, transformation is necessary in order to fly higher.

So I suppose that’s my lesson, and the beautiful metaphor that I witnessed on my walk in nature. A smile took my face today as I walked that same path, filled with a new perspective, and more aware of the death I was internally processing and going through.

We can only know this when we dare to turn within, excavate the possibility of becoming someone better, and let ourselves shed the layers that keep us from flying lighter and living better.

We all can trasnform our past, shift our perspective, and see the possibilities of reality and what that means within ourself. We have to become aware though.

Like butterflies take time to heal, and go into their own cacoon, as humans, we must too allow our own time to bloom. Being in our own quiet solace and enjoying our own company can help us strenghten our own beauty within. With patience, and in time, we do blossom. We can all let go of the chains holding us back. We can trust our own process  of evolution. We can walk lighter, in recognizing nature, our own connection to it, and our own ability to live with it, in harmony, and in glorious ways.

The transformation is always there, daily. We must show up for it and see it and appreciate it. We can muse within our mind our own fear and suffering. The way to rise beyond the limited physical reality, is to see the bigger picture, learn the lessons, and identify how we are part of the process, and infinitley connected to nature, ourselves, and eachother.

Be the butterfly that flys. Trust your own process. Walk your path. Shift your perspective. Let the world help you understand what you’re doing through, and your cycle, and rythm in it. Be like the butterfly that transforms. Trust the timing. Trust yourself.

Keep walking. See the magic. Connect with nature. Transform yourself by living in your reality and the beautiful metaphor and masterpiece you can be creating – in every moment.

When Life Seems to Fall Apart…

About 2-4 years ago I had a massive transit happen that shifted everything in my life, in myself and caused me to reevaluate every to be true. What happened? Well I found Yoga, I mean real yoga, and began the process of getting out of the pose and normal everyday routine to discover something deeper… In that same year I lost everything and virtually every piece of my life fell apart: I got laid off, I had no job and was not able to get another easy job, my car broke, my cat died, my friends fell away, and old connections that were once meaningful randomly disappeared, as if vanished by thin air. My body changed, my choices changed, my socializing hours took a halt, and new peace was found in the simplicity of stillness. Life…well it took a drastic turn and all I had going for me was a beautiful beach I could sit on with unemployment money and some San Diego sunshine to ponder what the real purpose of life really was…

balnkly

It did not matter that everything fell apart, I was actually over joyed that finally the desk and prolonged hours of sitting was no longer a mandatory wake up drive and necessity. The negative people and late night bar activities that seemed to be the only social option faded, and finally I was able to get back to something so much better that no shot or one night stand option could ever satisfy. It was liberating for me to be totally free and able to choose a new beginning and finally be out of the toxic environment where working for a paycheck and a bottle of chardonnay at the end of the day seemed like the happy prize for sitting cramped, stuck, bored, and totally unfulfilled. What I did not know is something else was calling, and that need within me to move, do, act, and be creative as the happy soul I knew myself to be was finally ready to break through and become someone more in alignment with who I knew myself to be… That old world paradigm of get up, go to work, have a job, eat, sleep and do it again was a routine I was unwilling and unable to follow anymore. So in my loss, and with everything falling away and dying, I was left alone to sit, wonder, contemplate, and ponder what I was really seeking and where I could go, what I could do to actually live a life of meaning and purpose and really wake up daily and be happy….

A lot has happened since then, even more has changed, and I’ve developed on a higher road of understanding the real meaning of letting go, and realizing yourself once more… There is journey, and to get on it, often things crumble so you can rebuild to a better state….

…When life falls apart, things change, and it seems like nothing is going in your direction, it is easy to fall into a trap, hold on, and lie and cheat whatever is trying to change. When destruction happens, the world you knew tumbles, and you are left alone, in panic, with fear, it is a sign and a blessing to help you breakthrough and find a better road that will take you somewhere happier…. Change is inevitable, and when you avoid it, shit will surmount. There is no hiding what the Universe wants you to know. Though in the misery, the tangled world that becomes scary like a horror movie will be no easy walk in the woods, when you come out from the dark shells that have bound you, you will look back and remember and see why you had to experience the rough road and tough times to get you to a better place….  You can always find a better place than where you are.

There is always a better road, and easier way to handle things, and a more peaceful place you can be. When you find the right road that really works for you, it can be scary to get on it, trust it, and leave everything behind to find it…. When the Universe beckons you to awaken, life is easier when you follow the call to awaken your heart and live with your higher soul as a brighter and happier force…… Sometimes change is inevitable, and in this new age there is no hiding from the power that wants us all to live happier, be free, and love better….

May the Summer bring you fate, show you destiny, & may the changes, and twists and turns of fate steer you in a better direction. May you evolve and become the person you KNOW yourself to be…. May you trust your journey, whatever may come on it…. Happy Summer & enjoy the change  ❤ YES YOU CAN!!!

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Choose Love.

unconditionalloveAmericans are funny, in that most consider Christmas & the holiday season to be based around Santa, getting, giving, and presents or parties. While that is a nice thing to celebrate at the end of the year, December is really about reflecting and allowing yourself to slow down, wind down, and pave a new way for the Winter season & upcoming new year. December, to be, is a celebration of Love, of light, and a peaceful ending to whatever has been.

The holidays stress us all out and create disharmony. That’s normal. Choose love this year. If you are single, without your family, or busy working during the season, reconnect to your faith and cherish yourself for who you have become. This is the season of Love and when it is important to also do a cheers for you, what you have accomplished, and who you have become. It’s not about being accepted, having the decorations, or even having a partner to kiss under the mistletoe… those all come in time.

The end of the year is a deep period of transition. Your body is probably feeling it, perhaps you are even feeling the urge to stay in, be within yourself, or seek out some quiet time. That’s because Winter is coming and it’s the season to hibernate and relax. Choose you this Christmas, and choose Love. Everyone is having moments, emotions, frustrations, sadness, and what I call ‘episodes’. Let them be, let it be. Come back to your love, your heart, and fill yourself with gratitude for wherever you are at. Be happy for what you DO have. Be grateful for friends you have met this year, people who have helped you, old friendships, and be good around your family. 

Choose love in everyone who crosses your path, with whatever the Universe yields you, and whoever comes your way. There will be much expected surprises the next two weeks. Choose love always.

When you love yourself, you know yourself, and you know your intention, who you are, and what you stand for. People can think otherwise, as they choose. I’ve let go of people, I’ve had friends move away, and in this year, I celebrate ME this December. I’ve learned that the world will never be perfect. It’s human nature to serve your ego, until you do the work to stop it. Even Yogis, claiming to be all Zen have their moments, and just because they ‘teach’ does not always mean they care or are consciously connected to the light in the heart always. We all fall out of balance and alignment, it’s part of being human. We all forget that Love is always the answer. Come back to your heart this Christmas/Holiday, and serve you. Share love with others, remind them, and help people remember Love is all we all are looking for. End this year well, with love. Say sorry to those you hurt, make up with people who have parted, acknowledge souls that have brought kindness to your life, and do something fun for You. Remember your greatness, share a smile, and do something nice for a special friend. Love is all you need ❤

On Happiness

Happiness-is..

What is Happiness?

hap·pi·ness

noun: happiness; plural noun: happinesses; the state of being happy.

synonyms:

pleasure, contentment, satisfaction, cheerfulness, merriment, gaiety, joy, joyfulness, joviality, jollity, glee, delight, good spirits, lightheartedness, well-being, enjoyment;

This a question, I’ve pondered and constantly come back to. This new Spring season has awakened new aspects of myself and I suddenly am seeing life in a whole new perspective. I was once on quest to find my inner joy. Something deep within me was no longer satisfied going by the every day norm and doing what people ‘thought’ was best for me. i.e. – working the 9-5 job, getting promoted, designer clothes, going out to bars, binge drinking, and other somewhat ‘normal’ things other girls in their mid twenties were typically seeking. That stuff did not matter, I needed something more. I yearned to wake up feeling satisfied, to get up with excitement for my day, and wanted to make ideas happen that would help this world be a better and brighter place. After a series of unexpected events, and with what I’d like to deem a magical and crazy Spiritual Awakening, I am emerging out of what was, and allowing myself to radiant forward  – in the best ways I possible can.

Life has taught me so many lessons in the past three years, and in the entirety of my life as I look back and reflect. I believe that happiness is an inside job. It’s more than just proclaiming today I am happy, because we all know there are many circumstances that happen that cause us to feel otherwise. You can read a ton of books, follow people online, even post things on Facebook that seem uplifting. That’s wonderful, and maybe you are inspiring someone in the process. The more our planet elevates in consciousness the more I witness people posting tons and tons of stuff all over social media about how to find your inner joy or some other regurgitated quote or message. Why? I’m really not sure. True, real happiness, I believe, is about finding ways to please yourself fully and live whole in who you are. It’s not doing, it’s Living. It about waking up and looking forward to whatever you have on your schedule and being eager to share your energy to the world. It’s about doing things you love and surrounding yourself with people who let you be the best you can be. And rather than seeking people, things, jobs, money, etc, it’s about dancing on your own path to self acceptance and joy.Happiness is a choice

So many of us cultivate this attitude of limitation. We want to do this, however we can’t because of this. Or we think we need a certain person, or need to do a certain thing to be happy. We say to ourselves I love doing this and I’d love to do more of this but —-. And so our world doesn’t change. I believe Happiness is found when you are able to live in complete awareness of who you are – not what your family, friends, or society tells you to be. Is it easy? Fuck no. It takes work, it means breathing past your challenges and overcoming yourself so you can serve yourself in the best ways possible. It’s more than just saying you are happy. What is that? Do you feel happy on the inside? Can you break free from your own patterns and choose to face the real thing that is holding you back from your own complete happiness? Are you willing to get into your body and feel alive and as good you can be? Can you put down the weed, beer, or glass of wine, and instead of drinking to feel something and later your state of consciousness – can you be willing to come to terms with the struggle and take conscious motion forward to freedom? The truth is too many of us are just to scared. They are held back in the fear of what if I were willing to change my life? Scared of investing in themselves, of what change may bring, of getting out of their routine, and going beyond what is comfortable or dare I say ‘normal.’ Then habits continues, routines go on for years, the same type of people come in, the same problems, and people wonder why their life is the way it is. Ha. Ha.

Walking a path of happiness and fulfillment is a path you take on your own. It looks different to everyone. Yes, you have people who support you along the way and guide you and are in your life for a reason. But Happiness is your own inner journey. It’s not about doing what this person does, or thinking your dreams will come true by reading a book and following it or reciting it. To me, Happiness is about learning to make choices that serve you. Happiness is not an act, it’s a way of living. Do the things that please you, and find satisfaction in every moment of your day. Love the life you choose for yourself. If you don’t like it, change it, or something about it. You can spend a lot of time and money searching for the perfect partnership, the job that will fulfill you, or the thing that will finally let you feel satisfied. Where is the fun in that? Why do we settle for less than we deserve? Why not choose right now to commit to yourself. To who you are on the inside. To stop thinking you need other people to awaken your inner joy, and choose to live it for yourself. As the planet changes and more and more people are seeking ways to live life well. It’s wonderful! I hope we can all learn to do the best we can to inspire one another. Happiness is more than just a mantra, activity, or necessity. True happiness is living your life with a sense of purpose and fulfillment. To be okay when things happen, knowing it needs to be that way. To allow yourself to dig into your feelings and inner wisdom and love yourself from the inside first. It’s about trusting yourself to take measures to live better, invest in yourself, and instead of seeking something outside of yourself, to seek it within.

Life happens and it teaches you to grow in yourself. Be positive and live well. Obstacles and challenges will happen. The universe throws you curve balls. It’s okay to crhappinessy about it and be upset. Sometimes, you probably won’t be in your best state. That’s truth – that’s the work. Don’t lie to yourself – accept it. To refine your where you are and to make positive changes so you can live better; not for anyone, or to have something, or gain something. Happiness is something that is locked up within us all. Some of us express it and tap into it more than others. I believe real happiness is being able to look at your reflection and see all aspects of yourself and to honestly evaluate what aspects you may need to overcome. Who cares what society thinks, and lets let go of the ‘normal’, or the idea that your have to ‘be okay and friendly and smile’ in every minute of the day. That’s bullshit. Life happens and things can hurt – but it’s in your ability to learn why where the work takes place. Reality is, we are all never okay – admit it, and own it. I tell ya it’s a whole lot better to face your fears, your emotions, and to start to ask the question – ‘why isn’t this working for me anymore?’. Happiness is an exploration of yourself. It’s about stopping the habits and the old ways we think we need to live our life. It’s not about how many facebook posts you make, or your ‘like’s and followers, or what you choose to gossip and complain about. It’s not about showing up with a smile either. Happiness is finding joy in every second of living. You do that by getting through the battle and challenges and finding self acceptance. For me, it’s laughing when things happen that don’t make sense. It’s smiling at the stranger who just cut you off in traffic, and it’s breathing in your own sense of self to feel awakened in YOU. No one needs anything. To find happiness, you do the work, you tune into your self – your body  and heart – and YOU consciously choose to better yourself. You let your spirit guide you forward, and you trust the beat with in you to lead you forward… in whatever way that may be….cuz it’s different for us all.Real Journey

People inspire. Books inspire. Life causes you to become something more [if you are willing]; Life teaches. Happiness is an inner journey that promotes confidence within who you are. It may be lonely, confusing, and very surreal at times. It takes time, it’s not something we are born with innately – it’s a unique process. Only when you dare to get deeper, can you truly prosper. I went through a three year shift that taught me more about myself than I could have ever imagined. Did I plan it? No, events happened that taught me to grow fuller in myself and it took a lot of tears to overcome, and I was blessed to have teachers help me along the way. Ultimately it was my own commitment that has gotten me to where i am now. Letting go what I thought I needed or wanted, and trusting there is always more to come. I had to break free and stop doing what I did all my life, and in the process it liberated me and has helped me become fulfilled. This week I invite you to do something nice for yourself. To plan a schedule with activities that will inspire a smile on your face and to notice why it brings you fulfillment. Maybe it’s even taking an hour to be alone journey solo in what you enjoy. We all seek on the outside to feel better about ourselves. Why not harness your own happiness first then let the world be filled with it? Step into love for who you are and live your life by finding happiness in who you really are and all that you actually enjoy 😉 What is happiness to you? Can YOU OWN it and ACCEPT it and LIVE it??

 

 

Feel More. Heal More.

“In order to heal, sometimes you need to feel…”

This past week has been interesting. The full moon in Virgo last Sunday really took a lot out of me. As I’ve deepened my yoga practice I’ve become so much more in tune with astrology and various spiritual connections with myself and what’s happening. It’s fascinating to me. This past full moon in Virgo was felt deep for me. Most full moons are often energetically draining and emotional, depending on your sign and astrology chart.

Right before the full moon I had some unexpected and disappointing news come to me. I cried a lot and did my best to elevate my spirits to a better place. As I tried to overcome all the emotions I was feeling, I realized that sometimes you just need to sit still, to feel the emotions, let them pour out, and feel more, so you can help heal.  Once I was able to get the tears out and grief, I was able to begin a new emotional journey back to that content place I strive to be at. I realized sometimes you need to take the lessons, the things that happen, and accept them for what they are.  This full moon for me was a giant test… but isn’t everything? In the midst of my natural flow, and right when I thought everything was aligning as planned, a shift happened and suddenly it felt as if things were falling apart. But truthfully, they were not, obstacles are often enlightening tools. Despite the grief, tears, confusion, anger, and uncertainty, there was a bigger lesson to be learned. It comes back to trust. Trusting that as I connect more to who I am, what I want, and what I seek, I’m able to confidently watch the contrast unfold, as I know that things will work out exactly as they should.

 

The full moon continued to be felt deep for me days before and three days after. I even had physical symptoms manifest its way into my body as allergies, stomach sensitive’s, no hunger, emotional, and very tired. After purging my emotions during those few days, I am now able to sit back and reflect. Miraculously enough, all my symptoms were gone once the moon passed (Wednesday). Yoga teaches us to connect from a new place, a place of ease, peace, and stillness so we can go more inward. To breath easy in the asanas and challenges, and to overcome any other suffering by focusing on the cadence of your breathe. With this full moon I was able to purge. I took the challenges and unexpected news as a test. I was able to feel who I am, a reality check in trusting myself, and I was able to cry and feel deeps parts with in me that perhaps are no longer me. I felt more and allowed my emotions to creep up and be expressed, and in doing so, I was able to heal myself more fully. I realized my fears, my patterns of being, and saw what needs to shift and dissolve. I realized the contrast in what happened and that sometimes what I think I really want, may just be an illusion to what is really best. Because when I’m able to connect more to me and my intentions, I’m able to realize what things I truly want for me, and trust the universe to align and provide. I’m able to tune back in and trust that what I really seek and want, will naturally manifest. Sometimes the universe throws us curveballs and unexpected outcomes. That’s part of the journey of life. By checking back in with yourself, feeling what you need, and listening to the signs, you can bring yourself back to true reality and fill yourself with abundance, as let the flow connect more to you.

Last week I did not feel like myself. Something was off, my mind was in a fog, and I did not feel like me. And that is okay. Rather than reacting or sharing with everyone that I was sick and ill and under the weather, I paused. I felt what I needed, I accepted what happened, I eventually laughed at the news, and was able to commit more to who I am and what I really want. There are always tests and obstacles that come around. It’s how we react to them that dictate how we grow. As we all evolve more on our mat, we help deepen out practice off the mat as well. To teach ourselves how to breathe easy, how to tune in, how to feel more, and most importantly, how we are able to heal ourselves my simply connecting from a deeper place. Yoga, the union of mind, body, and spirit. As I deepen my yoga practice I am able to explore different sides of myself. I’ve learned to connect and unite all that we are with everything and everyone around. Winter is ending, the end of a season that promotes deep peace and inward reflection. These last few weeks, and this full moon in Virgo are a time to purge, to experience what the last cycle has brought, what signs and illusions have become evident, so we can clear ourselves for the new spring season with a solid foundation. Purge yourself, and past behaviors, and things that are not aligned with your truth, and heal yourself. Recognize that sometimes the mind and the body, need to react and feel various sensations to help inspire your spirit to cleanse and elevate to a new place.

Why Not Enjoy the Journey?

 

It’s so easy to forget….

 

 

Remember this: You can’t Fuck up your life.

You are living it. Embrace each moment, capture each inspiration, and learn from every obstacle. Take the lessons, grow, and enjoy the process. Recognize where you are, where you’ve been, and keep raising your standards for the bright future ahead. No one ever said it would be easy, but it is the bumps and peaks that make it an epic and memorable ride. You are where you are, and that is perfect. Take you steps to shift and mold yourself closer to what you seek. The time is now. Change is present everywhere. It takes appreciation for for each person, turn, path, and road you’ve crossed to help lead and carve out the perfect road to continue on…