Choose Love.

unconditionalloveAmericans are funny, in that most consider Christmas & the holiday season to be based around Santa, getting, giving, and presents or parties. While that is a nice thing to celebrate at the end of the year, December is really about reflecting and allowing yourself to slow down, wind down, and pave a new way for the Winter season & upcoming new year. December, to be, is a celebration of Love, of light, and a peaceful ending to whatever has been.

The holidays stress us all out and create disharmony. That’s normal. Choose love this year. If you are single, without your family, or busy working during the season, reconnect to your faith and cherish yourself for who you have become. This is the season of Love and when it is important to also do a cheers for you, what you have accomplished, and who you have become. It’s not about being accepted, having the decorations, or even having a partner to kiss under the mistletoe… those all come in time.

The end of the year is a deep period of transition. Your body is probably feeling it, perhaps you are even feeling the urge to stay in, be within yourself, or seek out some quiet time. That’s because Winter is coming and it’s the season to hibernate and relax. Choose you this Christmas, and choose Love. Everyone is having moments, emotions, frustrations, sadness, and what I call ‘episodes’. Let them be, let it be. Come back to your love, your heart, and fill yourself with gratitude for wherever you are at. Be happy for what you DO have. Be grateful for friends you have met this year, people who have helped you, old friendships, and be good around your family. 

Choose love in everyone who crosses your path, with whatever the Universe yields you, and whoever comes your way. There will be much expected surprises the next two weeks. Choose love always.

When you love yourself, you know yourself, and you know your intention, who you are, and what you stand for. People can think otherwise, as they choose. I’ve let go of people, I’ve had friends move away, and in this year, I celebrate ME this December. I’ve learned that the world will never be perfect. It’s human nature to serve your ego, until you do the work to stop it. Even Yogis, claiming to be all Zen have their moments, and just because they ‘teach’ does not always mean they care or are consciously connected to the light in the heart always. We all fall out of balance and alignment, it’s part of being human. We all forget that Love is always the answer. Come back to your heart this Christmas/Holiday, and serve you. Share love with others, remind them, and help people remember Love is all we all are looking for. End this year well, with love. Say sorry to those you hurt, make up with people who have parted, acknowledge souls that have brought kindness to your life, and do something fun for You. Remember your greatness, share a smile, and do something nice for a special friend. Love is all you need ❤

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Celebration of Purpose ~ On Living & Loving

And here it is, the end of May, almost the end of Spring and the end of a tremendous cycle of change and transition. Geez. What is the cosmic universe we live in and who are we and what is the purpose of it all? That I’m still asking, but each day it is becoming more clear and I triumph with how far I’ve come. This past year I’ve learned how to step into myself and find liberation fully in being me, living me, and loving me.loveself

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Three years ago I started to ask the question, ‘what is my purpose?’ I suddenly was no longer satisfied working at a desk at my so called ‘dream job’ and something in me knew there had to be something more. My values began to change, new people began coming into my life, and I found myself choosing yoga beyond other activities like bar hopping. I was young but things that were once satisfying were no longer pleasing or enjoyable. I reached a point where I needed something more, a change, people who inspired me, a job that excited me, and something that would put a smile on my face. I yearned for happiness and a life that felt fulfilling. So in the magical year of 2011, on Memorial Weekend, I called up my friend and told her to enroll me in Yoga teacher training. She did not question it, in fact a few months prior, she had planted the seed. I did not know anything about the training, only the meeting dates. What I did know was I found happiness in the yoga studio, and despite whatever ‘real world’ problems I found, I always made it back onto my mat. Hot yoga had been a vessel for me to channel my emotions, my family issues, pain, and let me get into my body in new ways. It felt good, I liked it, and I chose to be there. I needed a shift in my life. I was unhappy and felt stagnant and lost. Although I had zero intention to teach, I craved being a student again and demystify what this yoga thing really is about and wanted to know why I was put on this planet.

 

Two years ago I was asked to audition at CorePower Yoga and by June 2012 I was hired. It’s funny where the universe begins to take you when you begin to open for it. By that time I had gotten laid off of my corporate job and was still asking that deeper question, ‘why am I here’ ‘why is this happening to me?’. I did not understand. I know now we never really will know what people come into our lives or what role they may play or what outcome we all may create. 2012 was an interesting year and as I began teaching yoga I learned how to tune into my own inner truth and self. For the first time I was doing something that was fulfilling me, and most importantly I was helping others find that inner piece that yoga helps us all connect to. People told me I was good at it, and it felt good knowing Best+Quote+wallpaper+funny+propossal+201.+Best+Quote+wallpaper+funny_043e0d_4853781I was finally doing something meaningful. I am so grateful for CorePower Yoga and all the amazing people who have helped me evolve, in the space, and in life. I learned quickly that teaching yoga was more than just showing up and explaining the body or physical poses. Real yoga is about learning how to be your own teacher, and take steps to grow in your own life – on the mat and off. The mat is the tool, the journey is your life. 2012 I learned how to become my own teacher, how to teach myself to find my own inner satisfaction. I learned how to show up, and how to respect the others, and how to find compassion in realizing that this crazy universe will always guide us in a direction that really is best – everything does happen for a reason, when you are willing to see it. I stepped into my power, learned to speak up, to hold space, give to others, and do something that I enjoyed.

 

Now this May, I reflect back on 2013 and celebrate one hell of a year. I have been gifted with many special teachers and people so connected to me, that they have guided me forward in my dharma and purpose. I celebrate me and where I was, and where I am now. This past year I had a special teacher (not in the yoga room) who was a friend, change roles in my life and it taught me how to grow within myself. This person did not communicate much with me much this year, however, the intensity of this connection and what I felt with it, drove me to reflect back on myself. After all, we are all merely reflections of one another, helping us grow and learn. The new question I asked was ‘What is this feeling?’ ‘why do I feel like this?’ This past year I have transformed and dealt with many lessons and woke up. I am learning what it’s like to love yourself and how to find love within. This teacher of mine, has reflected in me my own light and has inspired me to do the inner work and love myself – who I am, by body, and my own inner being. I did not know what was going on or why things were happening, I had to start listening though and was led to spiritual growth. 2013 has been about me recognizing that there is a divine power and a deep seated mystery that we will never know – let me call that ‘the universe.’ A year ago I was so confused and just going through the motions of becoming. This person showed me love, let me feel it, and in truth, intentionit was something so magical that words cannot describe the deep connection and feelings that were invoked. I had to asked the question and do the work though, and tune inward to find liberation. I had to learn to surrender, to stop asking why and to start trusting as I overcome to find complete harmony within myself.

 

This past year I’ve taken my yoga off my mat and have asked even deeper questions. I had some personal events take place and the pain and emotions were unbearable and quite confusing, and something that no one will every in this lifetime understand. This year I’ve healed myself; I’ve cried, I’ve journaled, and I’ve invoked new spiritual practices that I once thought were pointless, silly, or useless. The universe guided me to it, and I eventually reached a point where I could not help but believe. The universe gives you help when you ask, however, sometimes things happen and there is no real answer or explanation as to why. Things happen that we don’t understand. What I’ve learned is that there is a divine magic in the universe, and that people and things come together for reason and purpose. There are synchronistic events and nothing is by chance or coincidence. The universe has a plan, and it is up to use to do the best we can in the place we are at. We are a student on the mat, in the pose, but also in life. I asked the question, of why I am here, and what is the meaning of this thing called life? I knew it was beyond sitting at a desk, getting a paycheck, and finding the perfect mate. That’s silly. It’s about learning to be a student of your own life, asking your own questions, and taking the reins for yourself so your life can have direction and most importantly – meaning.

 

These past three years have been life changing. I do my yoga, I arrive on my mat. I yoga further with Teacher Training, where I learned what yoga was, then, without intention, I became a teacher in the yoga room. The universe did some wild things, brought in many people to help me, however it was not until this past year, after the inner work had been done, that I’m finally able to be at ease with life and where I am. The work never ends, the journey continues, but I find satisfaction in recognizing where I am and what I’ve overcame. I sit back this memorial weekend and reflect.. After the wildest three years of my life, I celebrate me – who I am now. I wanted happiness, I wanted to smile, and now three years later, I’ve learned what I was seeking all along was Love. Love for me, for who I am, and this spirit within me that has been yearning to come out. Yoga is the science, lifestyle, and vessel I believe everyone can benefit from. It teaches us divine Union – how to come back into ourselves and who we really are. Yoga found me, teachers navigated me forward, and spirituality found me, but I had to do the work to find , and continue to find, Union within mlovethisyouyself.

 

I believe that people can tell you what you need to do and should accomplish, but the real magic happens when you are able to listen to yourself. To tune into what you want, and instead of talking about it and wondering, take an active stance to make a change. I have been blessed in the past three years to have many connections and profound teachers come into my life. They have helped me grow, they have taught me on the mat and beyond, and have let me become who I am today. I will always be grateful. However, my own journey only started because I knew I wanted more for myself. Today I celebrate my own accomplishments and my own journey. I asked the question three years ago, and now I’m so much more clear. It is said you need to love yourself first to find love. I believe it. I did not know what love was, but I felt there was something more for me, and I’ve learned to find it within myself. I now live my life doing things that I enjoy and love. I stopped seeking outside answers, and chose to take an inner journey and to breathe into mind, body, and heart, and learn to unlock who I really am. It took me three years to transform. I now choose love. Love for myself, for who I am, and for what I enjoy. I trust the universe as it guides me forward, and I keep a genuine smile on my face as I continue to master how to love myself, love others, and love life as I step into my purpose and radiate my own light in ways to serve myself and also others.

What You REALLY Want vs. What You THINK You Want

Follow the heart vs. the tangled emotions of the mind

I had an ah ha moment the other night. I have been in strange fluctuating moods the past week or so and last night I decided to sit down and confront myself. I sat down and began to journal about what was bothering me and wrote anything that came to mind. Then it sparked. I’ve been talking in my yoga classes all about moving on, to vision the future, to set goals for the new year, for change and to better yourself. I’ve been doing a ton of shifting in the last two years, and I plan to keep doing a lot more. In the midst of my evolution, I’ve become so focused on all the things I think I want for myself.  I’ve forgotten the most important piece and that is to come back and connect to what I really truly ACTUALLY want for myself.

I move unemotionally forward, with my heart guiding me, with my own love and light shining, focusing more on what I actually want. Less on what I thought I wanted.

To explain further, I realized that I have been holding in my head different ideas about past things and people that have been in my life. I know what I want so well now, I know what brings my joy, and I know what I want to work towards and have more of. However, I’ve been doing this funny thing where as I set my vision forward, I try to bring the other people from the past with me. I find myself trying to draw in more friends, wanting to surround myself with loving people and friends to hangout with. I reach out to my old college friends and people I use to see all the time. Then I get down on myself when they dont respond, no longer call me, or even care what I’m up to. Then I get so sad and confused. The same applies to partners. I’ve held this image in my head about past guys I’ve dated. That image is like a picture, I hold with me the feelings I get when they use to be around, I keep with me my idea of who that guy is, and I keep going back to who that guy was and how I think the relationship to go. I hold on wanting that image to come into present life, forgetting that is in the past, how he was, and not necessarily who he really is, or who he is now. The same goes for careers. After I got laid off I searched so hard for another job in the same industry doing what I thought was what I enjoyed and was interested in. It did not get me anywhere. I kept holding in my head that I had to get a job, I had to spend my day at work, I had be at a desk to make a good income, and I struggled for so long searching for something that I thought fit me. Well that was tough and looking back, only deflated my mood. I keep holding onto the past thing, people, lessons, and ideas, hoping that as I grow, so will they, and as I seek out and find my own happiness, I assume they do to, and that they move forward in their bliss with me.

 Sometimes you forget what you really truly want.. and then some conflict and emotions give you a friendly reminder of what you actually seek…

Silly me, I have forgotten. I have been getting so upset when friends and partners don’t keep the friendship true or workout. Only to forget to look around, open my eyes, and look at all the wonderful opportunities I have now that were not there before. I’ve been so fixated on what was, I’ve stopped looking at what is, and what can be. How silly of me to thing that as I grow and change, others wont. That’s ridiculous. People come in, and people go out, and thought they may have been a best friend, an acquaintance, or a teacher, they serve a purpose. It’s recognizing their love, their lessons, and involvement. Then being okay when people phase out, understanding that it is nothing you did, only them finding their own way for what feels right for them. For me it’s letting go of the mental image of who I think these people are. The best friend who helped me through college, who I hung out with, and would always be down for a drink. That friend was there for me at one time, and despite the wonderful times and things we shared, it may be time to accept that just like nature evolves so do we. The only thing I can control is myself and my own actions and my own happiness. A tough thing to learn, to learn to let people be, to stop thinking about who they were and that they will still serve that purpose or be that friend. When you are okay with it, you find freedom, you drop a bag, no longer dwell, and come back to that feeling of joy and acceptance, for listening to you heart and what you need, not what the mind things you need, not what the heart use to want, or use to enjoy.

I made a choice a long time ago to grow and to change and to be happy. To accept the little moments and to do things that bring me joy and elevate my spirits high. To some that’s weird. To me it feels good. Now I need to stop holding onto emotionally to people, partners, and things and trying to force relationships that are no longer there. I’m only creating more resistance for myself. My fears of leaving some friends and special people behind have been acknowledged. I’ve met them face on. I choose happiness, joy, and love. I have reached out and have expressed and given my love to all those amazing people I try to keep near and dear to me. I put my hand out there to grab. Some latched on, others turned the other way, and some did not even see it. It’s their choice not mine. I can only hope for the best for them. I have thanked them. I know now that as I choose the way I want things to go, how I want to feel, I need to stop forcing the past in fear, and instead focus on the bright future ahead, so when those new opportunities come around, ones that reflect what I really actually truly desire, I’ll be open and able to see them and blissfully invite that love in.

There is no more confusion for me about what I should be doing, why he has not called, why my best friend wont talk to me, or why relationships and things fall out of place. I’ve been so unclear and now I see the truth. Just as I change and evolve, so do others, in their own ways and for their own reasons. I free myself now from force, from holding on, and from capturing images of the past and expecations on what I think people are now. Who knows who they have become. I am me, and I choose me, want I want, and the happiness that I enjoy. That’s what matters. I move now from my heart, I invite love in, happy people, joyful opportunities, and meaningful relationships. I want people who want me around, and no longer to focus on those that no longer call. How contradicting. I focus on me, what I want, and I connect more from that place of self and love, and move forward. Once I realized this habitual pattern I’ve been doing, I found so much ease, so much clarity, and felt a sense of renewal. Like I connected the dots and finally understand why this was happening and that. I invite you to speculate what’s been making you uneasy, angry, upset, and what past ideas, images, people, have you been focusing on? Expecting them to change and meet you back on your road? You may be surprised with what you discover about yourself. For everyone that comes in is merely just a mere of yourself. Lessons to be learned and linked, when you’re able to gaze ahead and face it right on.

I’m not the person I was in college, I’m not the person I was a year ago, or maybe even a month ago. I laugh that I had expectations of the same relationships and people staying with me. No longer to I walk that line or look behind. I’ve accepted. Now I accept people for where they are at now, where they were, and what they brought into my life and helped me with. I’ve made my peace with these people, I’ve expressed my love, and those that latch on I look forward to spending more time with. Those that don’t I just accept and wish the best. I move unemotionally forward, with my heart guiding me, with my own love and light shining, focusing more on what I actually want. Less on what I thought I wanted.