Love is Painful.

I’ve been caught in the turmoil and highs and lows of love a lot. I’ve learned a lot each time. You know, even those toxic partnerships can show you a lot about yourself and teach you. Yet, even with the heart breaks, I still continue to experience the pain and growth when it comes to love.

Even when you do the work on yourself, commit to loving you, open your heart, and comfort our demons, there are always issues with love.

For me I use to reject love all the time. I’d miss out on opportunities, get lost in the future, and forget about living in the present. Often own fantasy would play our in my mind in how people and partners need to be. In my own feminine state, I’d stay silent, reserved, and never speak my feelings and share myself bigger with another person. Wow, hard lesson learned. However, I do grow through love, and have become less fearful, more open, and loving.

For better and worse, it scars people. Sometimes being too open and connected to the heart causes others fear. That’s a more painful state than ever being ignorant of love.

So I don’t know what the answer of love is. Can we be vulnerable and open human beings? Does love show up to help us? I believe it. Is there fate or freewill in love? Or are we all wanting love, and unable to know how to get it, attract it, and live with it? Are we mere players in this field, trying to get a love that doesn’t exists. Perhaps we settle because the deep love we crave and want is too complicated. Facing our own fears, creating depth, and emotional intimacy is far from what we learned or are willing to connect to.

Hmmm….I still don’t know. I do know that love cannot be seen or felt until we are internally willing to tap into it. We can miss a lot of opportunities when we are disconnected. We can put blinders on, make excuses, and settle for love because it’s easy. Avoiding love, or our heart, and intimacy, never ever gets us the love we really desire, or a love that lasts long term.

Loving fully is not easy. It’s worth it though. Being able to be embodied in yourself, your emotions, your truth, without fearing or missing an opportunity, is the most loving thing you can do for you. Even when the other person runs, refuses to respond, or negates and ghosts ya, you can know in your heart you attempted to create love when the opportunity showed up.

For me, it’s actually finding love and experiencing it internally that messes me up. When love shows up and we are unable to connect, communicate, and come together – it is the most painful and confusing thing of all. It hurts. It hurts when partners and people can’t see their glory, or are unwilling to dive deep into themselves. I see soul, and I know love when it shows up, and its a heartfelt reminder of the love that exists beyond time and space. Even if i this reality, people and partners don’t come together, there are always moments and souls that remind us of our greatness, force us to confront our darkness, and show us how to love better.

Personally, if you have a soul mate that allows you to be you, and reminds you of who you are, then I think that’s gold. Whether or not they last forever or are able to love ya on deeper levels, stay grateful. Allow the pain of them leaving to move through you, release attachment, stay in the moment, and know we are only capable of loving as we dare to love ourselves, and be open for others to love us too.

The pain and heartbreak is a lesson. Crying helps move the emotions. Yet, it never means love is lost. We may never get the truth or answer, and those mysteries and questions in our mind may remain forever. For it is the fear of loving and the not knowing, that confuses love. A heart can feel, know, and see, yet with out the experience and communication and speaking of love with others, it all remains a painful confusing thing. I suppose it’s easier to let that kind of love go, near confront our hearts, and live life without expression because it’s what we know.

I think love is better. Love is worthwhile. Even with pain, we can help each other love better, if we are willing.