Quotes to Live by

Feeling Unloved.

Everyday I wonder if the pain will ever go away. It’s gotten better, but the deep scar that was buried long ago still creates a burning flame in my belly. That emptiness continues to come around and jar at me and force me into my own manic depression at times.

Abandonment. Unloved. Feeling Alone.IMG_0814

Shit those feelings are enough to suck you down, and tear you under. There is nothing worse than not being supported. It is a wound that has affected my whole life, in positive and negative ways.

I no longer indulge in those old self sabotaging behaviors like I use to. I think more positive, I’ve shifted many beliefs, and I’ve learned to restore my connection to me. I’ve studied, I’m sought our help, I’ve gone to ‘healers’ of all kinds, wandered alone, and I’ve done my own exploration in learning how to really truly love me.

It’s not an easy path. You have to walk it alone. In the solitude you learn so much about yourself, about others, and about the world. Somewhere in those lonely feelings, you learn to grow stronger and also realize the bigger meaning of life.

Long ago I thought we were born to grow up, work, get married, and have kids. Although that sounds easy, that system does not grant you total fulfillment. Actually, thinking you need to get all that usually keeps you from getting what you really desire.

I use to wonder why I grew up in such poor conditions, and why I was not able to have a family that really loved me and supported me. As a kid I had these big dreams and high hopes, and crazy passion for all sorts of things. Trauma can damage and the outside world can influence you and tell you that you’re unworthy, unlikable, unacceptable, and unable to be yourself.

It stung me hard the day my parents separated, and my Dad left. Growing up alone, as a child, is probably the scariest thing you will ever experience. You’re taught all these morals and virtues in school about family love and loving your family. But what about when you family does not love you?

I’ll tell you in my experience, it makes you suffer. It makes you grow wounds, torment, and all sorts of limiting beliefs that cause you to catastrophes and develop in unhealthy ways. Unloved. That scar can burn you forever unless you choose to grow out of it.

That pain wrangled me as a kid. Back then, I was not allowed to voice my opinions, speak  up, and my emotional nature, was frowned upon. They say big girls don’t cry. I believe the best girls do cry. Because human empathy is the greatest gift, and something our world has lost touch with in many ways. It makes me sick to see how people treat each other, and how their own minds dictate them and cause them to behave in bad ways. The pain inflicted on me when I was young, and growing up, casted many scars.

People have called me insecure, hit me down for speaking up, and don’t like me because I tell people when they hurt me. Isn’t ironic though? We all want to feel loved, and accepted, and live in the world, yet most of us are unable to be happy with each other and actually treat each other well. Now I think it’s funny, in a sick kind of way, how humanity has developed.

Long ago I use to shield the pain, and pretend it wasn’t there.

That got me know where, and limited me in many ways. I started to grow, face my fears, and was determined to get over the pain and break free. In the process, I grew tremendously. Thought there are those rocky highs and lows, and moments when the past does resurface. I know now what it is. I confront it, I sit with it, and I have learned, every day, to continue to love me.

I was born on the planet to make a difference. I was not born to suffer. I certainly was not put here to be put down my others, or to allow others to knock me down. Most sensitive people develop all kinds of walls and blocks and ideas because others are more ruthless, angry, and mean. It’s true being sensitive, loving, kind, and empathetic, is not easy in this world.

Everyday I’m learning.

Despite what that those other people are doing, you have to love them anyway, from a distance, because they know no better. They may cause you pain, try not to take it personally. The pain is temporary, if you let yourself move through it. Holding onto the fears, or continuing to let people hurt you won’t put you in a better place.

Truthfully, you can change yourself, change your mind, and develop. You can’t change others. Those people that truly love you, and accept you, and want you in their lives, will always comes around. I believe the best people will support you for being you… with the pain, in the pain, and in the hot messy process of who you are becoming.

Keep those people around. They are the ones you want. The others don’t matter. Even if you feel lonely sometimes, know you are never alone. Those feelings are simply emotions, helping you changing, helping you move forward, and showing you what can be transformed so you can live better.

The best gift, and the best journey, anyone can be brave enough to take, is learning to love yourself. Not just treating yourself well, but really richly knowing who you are, and being fearless in becoming the best version of you. Loving you has nothing to do with your past, or partner. It has everything to do with who you are, how you show up, treat others, talk to people, and how willing you can love with an open heart.

The truest love of all is within. No one can make that, be that, or create that.

Only you can step into loving you, and let go of whatever is keeping you from that happy loving, peaceful, and great place.

Love Yourself. Know Yourself. Be Yourself.

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On Happiness, dreams, & reality.

Happiness.

What is it? I remember as a kid the dreams I use to dream, and the constant thoughts and beliefs of me one day being a Hollywood super star. Yeah, I had a lot of those crazy thoughts. The world and possibilities, would run wild in my head, but also seemed so real that I really knew one day it would happen, and somehow my dreams would come true.

My life sucked as kid. I’m not kidding. I was that no filter bad ass of a child that liked to be blunt about everything. My poor single Mom who raised me. She could not handle my honestness and real raw mouth that spoke whatever I felt and saw. Ha. Yeah, my own personality got me into a lot of trouble in my younger years. But the truth is all I wanted to do as a child was have fun, be free, and be happy. That was something that was never given or granted to me. That is something I still seek, and have spent years wanting.

My dreams of happily ever after and all my Princess fairy tale fantasies died fast. No really, they did. As if I got hit my a book and knocked out, unable to wake up and get back to the reality I once held, I became stuck, depressed, unhappy, and very insecure and incomplete. I’m not afraid to say, that growing up in  world that doesn’t allow you to be you, is awful. Not being able to have privileges, like other kids have, make you seem like you are some kind of outcast and tormented child that will never get ahead. The truth no one likes to talk about is that your younger years really shape you. If you don’t have money or parents willing to volunteer, buy you nice things, or drive you to after school activities, well you really do suffer. And so I did. In many many ways.

Kali Bliss
Kali Bliss – Be Happy

My whole life I’ve yearned for happiness. I’m not joking. I’ve dreamed of the day I’d be free of the misery, the pain, and the stupid people, and parents, ruining my life. I know, awful attitude, but seriously, people can wreck you and destroy you. I’m not sure why we live with such filtered minds, and pretend like other people have no influence on us. Every single person we meet makes an impact.

 

So back to happiness, and my dreams… I always wondered why I had to live a sheltered life. I mean why wasn’t I able to explore my dreams, passions, and actively get involved in what I love? I struggled in school, high school, and more. I always tried to find my place. I couldn’t. There were no art outlets or creative groups I could genuinely be myself in. My biggest passion, photography, and being in Yearbook, were scared bad when my best friend took my dream position, after I got her on our crew. Ouch. It’s shit like that about human nature I don’t understand. Have we all lost our morals, and forgotten how to treat each other? I’m not going to lie, that one event forever tainted me and forever scared me. You can’t move on or forgive things like that easily. I don’t understand why other people enjoy ruining other peoples dreams. Just to boost my own ego, I’m going to add, the yearbook photos that year totally were not up to par.

Back to happiness and happily ever after. If we are all destined to find it, live with it, and cultivate it, why as humans do we enjoy, and usually ignorantly participate, in smashing it for others? I not get it. Why can’t we be noble, honest, and actually love each other and help each other succeed? This questions continues to baffle me and haunt me.

So later in life, I began to find my Zen by teaching Yoga. I did everything and anything for that community. Yet somehow, I was never allowed to have a prime time class, and my wage was always subjective and criticized because I did not have enough people in my class. Yet, my coworkers, some other teachers, were allowed to dishonestly check extra people in and scold students (yes in a Yoga room), and actually get more benefits. How does that make sense?

So now, with my life lessons, suffering, teachings, and wisdom, I can’t help but ask, what is the case of happiness and why do we all enjoy ruining it for others? To me, happiness is living in a peaceful environment, and having people that care for you and support you. It’s in following your heart, and going after your dreams, that you begin to forge a new understanding in the meaning of life. Yet, in doing that, someone always gets in the way. It’s almost like people don’t want others to succeed because they care more about themselves, their life, and don’t give a flying fuck about others, or what happens to them. What is up with that? How has our society gotten so stinted in that ignorant mindset and way? I really, really, don’t get it.

We all have dreams. We all want to be happy. We all want a good life. It’s funny because we all have screens, limited ideas, and see in certain ways. Somehow we all want to succeed so bad, and gain power in whatever way that is, that we often forget the people we are hurting. I have confronted people on their actions. You know, that friend who went behind my back and applied for the only position I wanted throughout my whole High school career. I never got an apology or an answer, to this day. I confronted my yoga boss who refused to give me a chance at a good yoga time slot, after I proved I could do it (on every business level). I confronted the yoga teacher who lied and continues to market herself was a master person, even though she isn’t even real or honest with anyone. What I’ve learned is people don’t care. They don’t care if you suffer with their actions or if they squander your happiness with what they choose. Usually, they actually get gratification with their own pride when you loose, and they win.

Personally, I believe in happiness and a good life. I believe when we all can work together to support that, we will all win. Life is abundant. People matter. It is not who you become or the title you have, or the numbers in you room, or paycheck. It is your own ability to live morally and sustain happiness in all that you do. Wrecking people, their dreams, their desires, and failing to help them or understand them, can cause a lot of suffering. We all hide behind whats real because often admitting to the way people behave is scary.

Happiness can only be achieved when we are all allowed to follow our hearts, and be real human – beings, that make this universe a good place to live. I’ll tell you from experience, people and their choices and actions, DO affect and sabotage others. Dreams, real dreams, are hard to go after. It’s scary to live completely free. Even though, I’ve had my many failures, catastrophes, heart breaks, and uncivilized people who have proven they are not worthy of my friendship or attention, I still forgive them for their sinful deeds. What I’ve learned most about happiness, and pursuing your dreams, is that at the end of the day, they don’t matter. If they did matter, they would show up different. But, it’s their choice, not mine, or anyone else’s.

Prenting to be someone you’re not will et you nowhere. That roadblock and stuck feeling will live you. One day you’ll look back and realize the heart you broke, the people you hurt, and the happiness that was there, if only you would have seen a different way. See our choices make an impact. Though I can’t change my childhood, people, or the crazy things I continue to experience in my life, I can continue to chase my dreams. Happiness is not held in what appears to be real.

Real happiness, for me, has come from letting go off all those phonies that don’t deserve to be in my life. It’s come from exploring, getting out of that bad box of other peoples influence, and really finding my own joy. After years of suffering, I can tell you, the only way to be happy, is to find it in yourself. When you find it, and you know true joy, and what its like to be happy and blissful for no reason at all, then you will know what living is. And those people that once mattered, will disappear.

All you need to be happy is you. When you are a dreamer, chasing your heart’s desire, going after what feed you, and being relentless in whoever steps in your way…. then… maybe… you start to understand liberation. Happiness is not dollars, people, friends, or whatever you’re doing. Happiness is only found within you. The more you cultivate that, and believe that… the more it shows up, if you’re willing.

One day, you’re destined to find true happiness. The question is if you’re willing to find it, understand it, and actually live with it…. not just for You, but for everyone around.

Happiness is a way of living, being, and sharing with one another.

 

 

 

 

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FREEDOM ~ America!

 

Thank You America!

I just watched the 2015 4th of July fireworks from a cement bench on the bayside of San Diego, a place I routinely visit and walk or ride by bike by daily. I had no hand to hold me, no liquid toxicity within me, and no one even with me to share the evening firework display. I did have my headphones and some great music on shuffle to listen to and hum along to as I watched the magnificent light show in the sky.

 

Freedom. Red, white, and blue… well lots of red tonight. The sky lit with fire and sparks and bombs in the air that burst to sparkle the still dark water beneath it. Lights pulsed from the dark in the twilight as people gathered from all around. America, how beautiful… for the first time in what very well maybe my whole life I felt at peace. Totally calm, totally cool, and totally okay… what was this ecstatic state and how was I totally fine in the midst of being alone on one of the most social holidays of the year… and wait, I was dead sober and alone, and still completely happy.

 freedom

Oh say can you see, while watching that night sky dance with color I witnessed the real magic that I had been missing…. Freedom. A word we hear quite often, yet I still have not yet accurately described the sensation or meaning of the letters. In the moment, I gazed around and at the scenery of the people, the drunks sneaking the beer, the tipsy crew singing along to the star spangled sky, the kids wanting to go home, the cops trying regulate, the bonfires that had their own sparkle show, the friends gathered tight, the couples holding hands, and all the people, for a moment, coming together for a profound scene of peace and joy. Hallelujah America! We did it, and I got to watch while the lights gallantly streamed through the sky.

 

Then I remembered what this holiday is all about and the real meaning in celebrating what it means to be American and happy and free. It’s as if the Universe opened up, and better than a broomstick, glitter rang out from the heavens in a spell of ease and delight. Not a single person I could see was upset, and not a single person dared to ruin the moment for another or even fight or exchange an unkind word. All that mattered was the proof in the sky that our country was together, the land of the free and the home of the brave. It was as if a spangled banner with stars and stripes was actually waving from the sky. Even with all the ugliness the world can hold, the bombs that bleed, the curses, and the evil spells that cause us fright and despair, and with the fights and the nasty currents that consume us, all of that seemed to be put on pause, irrelevant, and as if vanished, all was still, and all was well. The only music was the show in the sky and a few quite songs being sung by we the people.

 

With the bliss bombs bursting in air, in that moment, I felt the true meaning of freedom and witnessed what it is like to live in a Country that is united and perhaps even free. Together as one, happy and at peace, that was proof that America really can be beautiful and come together. Amazing grace. I was gifted a glimpse of how, maybe someday, I can imagine a world that stops, and looks up to remember the real stars in the sky that help us stand taller, shine brighter, and wave our hands in celebration… Peace, Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. It is possible. I just got a captivating picture of it and watched a stellar show that proved we can all shine together and blow up sweeter than any cake you’ll even consume.

 

            This fourth of July, I am grateful. I do not accurately know the last time I was fully sober, without a drink, without a buzz, and without any other soul, on America’s finest day. Happy, solo, and totally amazed at the beauty of inner peace, inner light, and inner strength, to be able to sing freely and be totally content with me. The best freedom of all comes from the pure blissful state of knowing you are never lost, but always found. This night I learned that freedom to me, is not an action, a party, and it’s never laced with bubbles or another hand to high five or salute. Real freedom is being in your spirit and anchored in joy with the real effect that causes fireworks not only in a moment, but in every waking day from the inside out. The freedom to be totally happy with only me was the freedom I was once searching for all along and yearning to feel and desired to have…needing nothing, yet having everything. On this night, under a cloudy beautiful sky, I felt it, and actually believed in it.

 

But oh, America, what a gift I was granted today. To be completely alone, without anyone, and no one, yet completely happy, liberated, and profoundly actually free. Thank You America. For sharing your grace, shining your light, and showing me that brotherhood and sisterhood can shine from sea to sea. With spacious skies, purple fireworks of majesties, I experienced the amber waves that the Universe shed with music from the sea, on me. What a dream to be radically happy, smiling for no reason, and totally high on my own sweet elixir and with my own self. Freedom, I found you. Not even a selfie could prove it was real, boast about, or say that it happened. Yet the liberation remains, even after the rockets shot off.

America, today you gave freedom. Today, I remembered the best gift I was granted and had all along. America, thank you. Standing overlooking the bay I grew up with, the beach I see daily, and the water I regularly swim in, I remembered the best and more real divine magic show ever made. I returned home, and saw, for the first time, a country that I actually felt a part of, and actually was proud to live in. Freedom is a choice we are all given. Through the perilous fight, with liberation, we can attain the land of the free, and the home of the heart that needs nothing for total satisfaction and ultimate glory. Thank you America, for lighting my world up today, and better in every other day after, and showing me that peace is possible, and that maybe one day we will be the land of the free and home of the happy brave people we are meant to be. Even after the bombs drop, the stars can still shine and burst forever. Tonight I celebrate me. Tonight I cheers to let freedom ring forever and always!

Written by: Kali Bliss

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When Life Seems to Fall Apart…

About 2-4 years ago I had a massive transit happen that shifted everything in my life, in myself and caused me to reevaluate every to be true. What happened? Well I found Yoga, I mean real yoga, and began the process of getting out of the pose and normal everyday routine to discover something deeper… In that same year I lost everything and virtually every piece of my life fell apart: I got laid off, I had no job and was not able to get another easy job, my car broke, my cat died, my friends fell away, and old connections that were once meaningful randomly disappeared, as if vanished by thin air. My body changed, my choices changed, my socializing hours took a halt, and new peace was found in the simplicity of stillness. Life…well it took a drastic turn and all I had going for me was a beautiful beach I could sit on with unemployment money and some San Diego sunshine to ponder what the real purpose of life really was…

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It did not matter that everything fell apart, I was actually over joyed that finally the desk and prolonged hours of sitting was no longer a mandatory wake up drive and necessity. The negative people and late night bar activities that seemed to be the only social option faded, and finally I was able to get back to something so much better that no shot or one night stand option could ever satisfy. It was liberating for me to be totally free and able to choose a new beginning and finally be out of the toxic environment where working for a paycheck and a bottle of chardonnay at the end of the day seemed like the happy prize for sitting cramped, stuck, bored, and totally unfulfilled. What I did not know is something else was calling, and that need within me to move, do, act, and be creative as the happy soul I knew myself to be was finally ready to break through and become someone more in alignment with who I knew myself to be… That old world paradigm of get up, go to work, have a job, eat, sleep and do it again was a routine I was unwilling and unable to follow anymore. So in my loss, and with everything falling away and dying, I was left alone to sit, wonder, contemplate, and ponder what I was really seeking and where I could go, what I could do to actually live a life of meaning and purpose and really wake up daily and be happy….

A lot has happened since then, even more has changed, and I’ve developed on a higher road of understanding the real meaning of letting go, and realizing yourself once more… There is journey, and to get on it, often things crumble so you can rebuild to a better state….

…When life falls apart, things change, and it seems like nothing is going in your direction, it is easy to fall into a trap, hold on, and lie and cheat whatever is trying to change. When destruction happens, the world you knew tumbles, and you are left alone, in panic, with fear, it is a sign and a blessing to help you breakthrough and find a better road that will take you somewhere happier…. Change is inevitable, and when you avoid it, shit will surmount. There is no hiding what the Universe wants you to know. Though in the misery, the tangled world that becomes scary like a horror movie will be no easy walk in the woods, when you come out from the dark shells that have bound you, you will look back and remember and see why you had to experience the rough road and tough times to get you to a better place….  You can always find a better place than where you are.

There is always a better road, and easier way to handle things, and a more peaceful place you can be. When you find the right road that really works for you, it can be scary to get on it, trust it, and leave everything behind to find it…. When the Universe beckons you to awaken, life is easier when you follow the call to awaken your heart and live with your higher soul as a brighter and happier force…… Sometimes change is inevitable, and in this new age there is no hiding from the power that wants us all to live happier, be free, and love better….

May the Summer bring you fate, show you destiny, & may the changes, and twists and turns of fate steer you in a better direction. May you evolve and become the person you KNOW yourself to be…. May you trust your journey, whatever may come on it…. Happy Summer & enjoy the change  ❤ YES YOU CAN!!!

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Let Go, Learn, & Love

“A true gift of bring a soul in a physical body is the gift of feeling, experiencing, knowing, & learning. We will never understand the meaning in it all… we can try to comprehend & do our best to learn. I do believe letting go is the most powerful lesson you can learn. By confronting challenge you help yourself heal & grow into the divine radiant light you can become. Even the challenges are always the best lessons, however hard they appear to be & whatever form they show up…. I believe life is the journey of learning & coming back home to Love, sweet love, within….”

The New Moon Energy has released some potent & strong clearing energies…. Please be peaceful, calm, relax, & nurture yourself. Take time to slow down & feel the clarity & messages that are helping you break through in better Soulful & Loving ways….

letgolesonhttps://www.facebook.com/KalibBliss

Presence & Perspective

I use to live a busy life. My type A personality would zoom around from thing to thing, check box to check box, and rush through everything to get it all done by the end of the day. I use to drive fast and speed and swerve when cars were going too slow. I use walk fast and rush, afraid I would not get to my destination on time. I use to be use busy wondering what was next, that I would often miss what was now. Its funny what the mind does when you focus on the future and forget about the moment that is now.That was then this is now.

whales

What is it about life that causes us to rush through everything and always be onto the next thing? Human nature I suppose. The business only keeps us doing what’s next, or stressing that perhaps we may miss something in the process. There is a simplistic art in learning to slow down. Beyond that, I’ve noticed you are able to appreciate a lot more. Maybe a car ride does take longer, and maybe you are a few minutes late to work than normal…. so what? The day will still go on, your work will still be there, and I bet no one even noticed. Why not slow down, catch a breathe, view the window, take in the scene, and turn up the music? If you are inspired, how about sing? Enjoy the moment for what it is. You may be surprised what you see along the way. Shifting gears, taking moments to live eyes wide open can lead you to see so much more. What once seemed every day normal, may begin to feel every day new, or better, make a better story and moment for your day.

I was taking a stroll along the beach, like I do multiple times throughout my week, and in my life. For the first time ever at this particular beach I was at, I saw whales breech out of the water. They were quite active and stuck around on top of the water for a while. I stood still, planted my feet into the ground, and took a moment. I stopped. I saw. I enjoyed. I saw. I witnessed. Then I noticed many others walking straight, down the shoreline, on the sand, with no ability to turn their neck or dare to gaze beyond what was in front of them. It was an interesting moment. Here I was, doing my yoga dance on the sand, smiling, and watching the whales, and no one else seemed to care or notice. It blew my mind. There are always new things to see when you can change your perspective, and dare to move beyond where you think you are going.

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Has society really become so linear that all you see is forward? Being present is a gift. A way to explore more, to see more, and to enjoy every moment possible we have in this short life. Take a drive and dare to turn your head and see… find movement towards freedom and get out of the straight line destination you think you need to be on. Take a walk, look around, and see the world for what it really is —> a beautiful place with many moments to soak up and enjoy, if you can move around, shake your head, get a little loose, and see it.